In the early stages of AT Studios, several challenges happened that forced us to grow, get better and stand firm.
One of the worst things I experienced was FEAR.
Fear of the unknown , Fear of the What ifs, Fear of the…. EVERYTHING.
I could never really understand how Andy was cool, calm and collected when we were so close to payroll and the finances did not match.
At this point we had staff of five,more on that on another post. I began to pray and write my thoughts for I knew one day they may return.
Now you may be reading this and thinking “ yes another person telling me to have faith”
Here’s the bottom line. When you are going through the process of fear IT SUCKS!
As I write this I am confronted with a payroll to meet which we can not meet. A vacation about to go sour and an overwhelming sense of WHY God. Why did we not close that deal my sales team was so sure we had ? Why did we not meet the quota we had set? Why God does this client refuse to pay when there’s a contract in place?
Now I can totally ask these questions bottom line is even if I had the answer we would still not meet the number for payroll. FEAR kicked in.Not just fear. I mean paralyzing fear. Fear that stopped me on my tracks. People depend on our check to live, pay bills and feed the kids. That is when FEAR at its best. When doubt begins to crowd out our faith.
In a time of frustration I stepped to the bathroom on my knees and said God I trust you. If you think this was easy. It was not!
I began to see fear as this acronym.
– Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
Faith is confidence – I know God can and will do exceedingly and abundantly what I can ask or imagine.
What we hope for- I hope I can keep it together until payroll time. (even counting the minutes).
Faith is the assurance of what I do not see. Lord I do not see the funds. I do not see the money, I do not see the clients. But You do.
By no means am I saying this was easy.
And – Breath in and out . I know I needed that pause.
Evidence Deuteronomy 31:8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
The bible says do not be afraid or discouraged. That’s it! That’s what I’m feeling afraid and discouraged, He will NOT leave you, nor forsake you.
Breath! In and out.
Truth is, God has never failed us. Period.
Psalms 136 God’s Love never fails. He has a purpose. He was teaching me to trust him. Open My eyes to see what you are teaching me in this moment. Again disclaimer – praying this in the middle of chaos is not easy.
This is not easy. It is seemingly far easier to give into the FEAR instead of having FAITH that my Father God will provide. I do not know the plan or how the payroll will be met or how this vacation will end up. It may not go according to my plan, but all of it certainly will go according to His plan.
This is my prayer as I went through all this:
I trust you. I trust payroll is met. I trust our plans are your plans. I know you work all things for the good of those who honor you. Help me to put fear aside and honor you through all this. Amen.